Although its title and subtitle sound a bit trite and hollow , this book is not a crap at all. In fact, it does offer many “specific psychological tactics governing human behavior” as well as some good relationship advices. Using simple language and going sharply into details of each main point with a sumary after each chapter, Lieberman makes it look like an “action book” whereby I really enjoy reading the first few chapters. A good read! decent add-on to “How to win friends and influence people” classic. – Rexy

My Notes:

Get anyoone to like you … every time

1. Law of association

unconscious victims of circumstance
you were planning your vacation you would associate those favorable feelings with whoever was around you at the time, and you would subsequently like the person more.

– try talking to him when she’s in GOOD MOOD or EXCITED about sth (direct eye contact/full smile, eyes wide open)

2. Repeat Exposure

familiarity breeds contempts NOT TRUE

the MORE you interact with someone, the MORE he/she will like you!
(as long as the initial reaction is not negative)

the greater the exposure, the more positive the response

3. Reciprocal Affection.

We tend to like more those who like us.

You wanna let your ‘target person’ know that you like and respect him, if inddeed you do.

4. Similarities

Like attract likes.
When you speak to this person , talk about what you both enjoy and what you have in common
“Comrades in arms”

5. How you make her Feel

how nice it is to be around s/o who is complimentary and sincerely kind and warm?

being the person who makes ppl feel good will go a long way toward their finding you quite likable.

5. Rapport

Appears as we do – in sync
+ matching posture and movements
+ matching his rate of speech:

6. Helping her out.

If you can get her to DO YOU a small favor, this will generate kind and warm feelings toward you.

Often, in our attempt to get so to like us, we make the mistake of doing nice things for him. And while he may appreciate your kindness and think you’re a nice person, it doesn’t make him like you more, even though you may be viewed as more likable.

8. He’s only human

Seeing someone you admire do sth stupid or clumsy will make you like him more.

When you wanna be seen as more likable, do sth embarrasing and smile at yourself. Don’t try to ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen.

– Nobody likes a show-off

We do like confident people.
A person who is confident doesn’t feel the need to let the world know how great he is; he lets the world find out for itself.

Not taking yourselves so seriously and acknowledging our faults and mistakes shows the world that we are confident.

9. Be Positive Attitude

nobody wants to be around a moody, often pissed-off, pessimistic person

BE AROUND THE PERSON AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

TRY TO SPEAK WITH HER WHEN SHE’S IN A GOOD MOOD. TALK ABOUT COMMON INTERESTS or experience that you share and try to do more of the LISTENING and less of the talking.

IF YOU RESPECT OR ADMIRE HIM FOR STH, MAKE SURE THAT HE KNOWS THIS.

LET HIM DO A SIMPLE FAVOR FOR YOU, but make sure that it’s not out of sense of obligation.

we are drawn to confident people. Show your confidence by being able to laugh at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously.

Make her feel good about herself.

GET ANYONE TO FIND YOU IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE

EMOTION AROUSAL

– adrenaline
Anytime a person is aroused, such as with scary movies, amusement park rides, or even physical exercise, his arousal will in part be attributed to whomever he is with.

WALKING STYLES

GAZING INTO A PERSON’S EYES
look her directly in the eyes when speaking and listening.

THE LAW OF CONTRAST AND ASSOCIATION

We don’t often judge a person by himself, but in contrast with other people. This is intensified when it comes to meeting so for the first time. We see and think of his physical attributes in comparison to those he is with.

Herein lies one of the biggest mistakes we often make. Before so has a chance to know the real you, and to be influenced by these other tactics, your PHYSICAL BEAUTY is the 1st thing you’re judged by. So put the odds in your favor.

DO NOT find yourself in the company of those who are more attracitve than you (of the same seex)/those who are terribly unattractive people, of either SEX, when you want so to become interested in you. – THE LAW OF ASSOCIATION – where we tend to see a group as a whole and not the individuals.

Your best approach is to be by yourself or with an attractive person of the opposite sex.

SELF-ESTEEM AND ATTRACTION

a woman who is introduced to a man will find him more appealing if her self-esteem has been temporarily injured than a woman whose self-esteem has not been impaired.

This law is what is responsible for the good old rebound effect whereby a person finds herself fast into a rel right after one ends, usually with so whom she wouldn’t under ‘normal conditions’ date.

‘slip in under the radar’ – to simply approach her when she is with other more attrative people. we tend to feel less confident about ourselves and our apprearance when … so when the person is feeling less than good about herself, be flirtatious and friendly.

RECIPROCAL LIKING

When we find out that someone we like finds us appealing, it actually awakens romantic feelings within us.

not only we like those who like us, but we’re also more attracted to those people once we learn that they’re attracted to us.. – this is becos am essemtoa; as[ect pf [assopmate fee;omgs is HOPE. if the other person has absolutely no interest in you then you may find attractive but not develop a real and intense attraction and dersire.

Once she already likes you, deepen the attraction by letting her know that you’re attacted to her.

HOW TO MAKE A FANTASTIC FIRST IMPRESSION

SMILE!!!

Engage the primary effect and make that inital moment (first 5 mins or so) the very best and the rest of your conversation will be filtered throught it, thereby creating ahighly favorable impression.

The psychological phenomenton of accessibility and priming can drammatically influence how we are intilally perceived. Lay the unconscious groundwork prior to your meeting.

—
make yourself more valuable by not being so available. Sex? give it freely initially, and little value is placed on it, and on you.

—
DOES HIS STORY CHECK OUT?
Conundrum – simply introduce a piece of evidence and see how she handles it.
She will do the one thing that every liar does when confronted with conundrum – he will hesisteate — deciding how to answer.
– The more detailed he is the more you can beliee in what he’s saying.

GET ANYONE TO SAY WHAT’s he’s really thinking

->Well, now that I think of it.
like -> what would it take for you to love the idea?
do you like my new deck? -> what would it take for you to be really excited about going?
do u like my new deck? how do you think i can make it even better?

** DON”T SAY
What didn’t you like about it? How did she screw up?
***
how would you have done it? what would you have done differently?

to be cont