An interview with my cousin

Last week, a cousin of mine had come to Singapore with his daughter to visit his son who is studying JC here. Apparently we didn’t have much time to talk but I managed to have a small “interview” with him before he left. My question was short. “You’re now 51 – nearly 30 years older than me. You’ve lived almost 2/3 times of life. What’s your biggest regrets?”

From many others’ points of view, he’s a successful man. He’s got a happy family with a beautiful wife, a son studying abroad and a clever secondary-school daughter. Of course, he’s got a very decent career & a nice house too! His only concern now is to support & raise his children until they’re really mature which he refers to the University entrance.

But surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), he said it’s just the outward appearance. And when it comes to “regrets”, he does have quite a handful:

1. His biggest regret is Health (unsurprising for a man!)

He said he was still in good shape in the early 40s, let alone those early 20s & 30s. But now the consequences of over-drinking & partying while ignoring exercising begin to show up. It’s not so serious, he said. But he can’t drink much now as some diseases & pain starts to affect him. It’s terrible. I hope… he regretted! When we’re young, we all seem to take our health for granted while it’s actually our most important asset. It suddenly reminds me of Dalai Lama’s saying:

2. His second biggest regret is some skills he should have at least known

+ The first one is technology and foreign language as he didn’t know computer nor English at all. It makes me extremely less confident outside of my world – he regretted. When I come here I feel it more obvious than ever, he continues.

It’s followed by sport (football, table tennis, etc.) and art (singing, dancing, playing some musical instruments (guitar, piano, etc.). He doesn’t know how to play anything of those and that made him less “sociable” with friends. I’m friendly and “funny” but that’s all I have. When it came to other things like going karaoke or sport, I was just the “outsider”. But he masters his lessons and compensates for it in his children by providing them his best possible support in learning those extra skills which he claims to be very important apart from studying (knowledge) – and I totally agree with him.

3. The final one is once again unsurprising for me. It’s love (relationships).

He said although he has a wonderful family now, he didn’t have many memories in love and relationships. Some (very beautiful girls) had tried to approach him but he either refused or avoided them. If only I had the courage and right attitude to accept those invitations, he wished, I would have had a chance to know them at the very least. He may seem a bit greedy but I think it’s true. Relationships are utterly important in life.

But he thinks this is also partially a result of the 2 regrets above. If he had had a better health and a few of those skills, he would have very likely attracted many more people…

We finished at nearly 2 am on Friday night… gotta go sleep for our tomorrow work & flight..